workingwifey

Here’s a poem I wrote 2/6/02. I do not remember what I was thinking when I wrote this, but it was obviously about a dude. I wasnt dating anyone at the time, I dont think. I do think now that I read the words, I know who this poem is about. A guy I used to be friends with, that I actually just stopped being friends with in 2007.

What you do to me, you will never know.
My feelings for you I can never show.
For I’ve got another love, and so do you.
You can’t love me and I can’t love you.
I won’t let my feelings get out of hand.
I really hope that you understand.
What you feel for me, I will not see.
And it kills me so much I can hardly breathe.
What I do to you, please don’t let me know.
Your feelings for me, please do not show.
In the end, we will both be happy apart.
Just remember you’ll always be in my heart.

Here’s a poem I wrote on 1/19/02. I can’t remember what I was thinking when I wrote this poem but I’m assuming by the theme, that I was thinking about my life. Thinking about all I’ve seen. My mom had not yet died when I wrote this either so I was probably sad about something about her, and about my dad. At the time this was written, I was actually having a great time in life. I was 19, had a job, was partying with friends every night, lived with my dad (he had just gotten a divorce from his 2nd wife…actually this may have been around the time they tried to reconcile so my dad wasn’t home very much), I was getting lots of tattoos and piercings, it was a pretty care-free time but it’s right around the time I started to get…I don’t want to say depressed, but ya, depressed. I started getting in touch with my inner anger and realize how misunderstood I felt, and how lonely I felt, and that’s also when I started writing songs. I wrote my first song in March of 2002, so not long after I wrote this. This was one of the last poems I wrote.

My eyes were opened at a very young age. Opened to the world and the hate and the rate. Hate and rage I came to know very well. But on the outside I didn’t show my hell. The tears I cried were always inside. No one knew I had so much to hide. I hide all the pain and the anguish and fear. I never let anyone get too near. If they get too near they’ll see what I’m about. And I just can’t let anyone find out. They can’t find out that I’m sad as can be. They cant find out that I’m not really me.

I got a parking ticket that was totally not warranted. I sent a compalint letter to City Hall, along with a letter to the Parking Enforcement center of my city, with the ticket back telling them I’m not paying for it. Here’s the letter I sent to City Hall. I can’t believe these jerks (the city names and addresses have been taken out for security purposes).

2/5/09

Dear City of ********* City Hall,

I sent the below letter to the City of ********* Parking Enforcement in ****** today, but wanted to forward it to you to complain about the parking situation as well.

I parked in one parking space at *** E. 3rd Ave in *********. My ticket says my car was marked at 9:35am, which is probably true. I find it funny that I received a parking ticket when I left my space at 11am and it had NO Parking ticket on it when I left. I went to the post office, came back at 11:30am, parked in the same spot I was in before, and then left again at 12:10pm. When I went to my car at Noon, I had a parking ticket on my car which was given at 11:44am.

It isn’t fair that I have a parking ticket stating that I went over the time limit of 2 hours when I was only parked there for barely 20 minutes! I am not paying this ticket. Granted, I have gone over the limit multiple times but have always paid my parking tickets, and this time I legitimately do not deserve a ticket. This has happened before at my work (located at *** E 3rd Ave) to other people and it is it not right. I am not paying this ticket, it is enclosed in the envelope with this letter.

The parking time limit around this block should be changed. We do not have walk-in customers that would need to park near our buildings, so these 2 hour parking spaces should be left for employees to park in. We all have to either move our cars every two hours which does not make for a productive work day, or park 3 blocks away in residential areas, or in church parking lots which is also not right since we aren’t using the parking lot for what it’s intended for. Employees of businesses that have 2 hour parking signs should be issued passes that allow us to park in the 2 hour parking and not get ticked. We are the only ones that use these spaces!

Please send me confirmation that my ticket has been written off and is not due to me since I did not go over the parking limit. The person that marks the tires should double check that there’s still a mark on the tire before a parking ticket is issued. Just because I parked in the same space more than once in a day does not mean I was there for over two hours. I was gone for over 30 minutes and drove all over *********, so I know the white tire mark rubbed off and was not there when the ticket was issued to me. The city of ********* is ridiculous with its’ downtown parking rules and the people that it hires to do the enforcing must be blind.

Thanks for your time

Here’s a poem I wrote on 12/4/99. I was feeling really misunderstood when I wrote it. I was new to my school and just felt like no one understood me, and no one wanted to, and no one would try to. No one would take a chance to get to know me.

“You walk around with your head held high, knowing the guys stare at you as you walk by.  By yourself almost all the time, trying to make reason out of this rhyme. You walk around with your head held high, knowing the girls stare at you as you walk by. But inside their heads they say, ‘She’s stuck up.’ You have to look down, you can never look up. You walk around with your head held high, knowing one day you’ll break down and cry. ‘No one understands me’ you say. I often feel the same way.

Here’s a poem I wrote on 1/24/99. That was actually my grandpa’s birthday but this poem had nothing to do with him. I actually had my mom in mind when I wrote it, but it could be about a girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife type thing too. It’s the first poem I ever wrote that rhymed!

“Today I remembered your voice. Yesteday I remembered your touch. Tomorrow I’ll remember the things about you that I loved so much. The things you used to say, the way you’d make me feel. Oh, when I think of them, those things, they seem so real. But now they are mere memories in my head. I cry myself to sleep every night, in my lonesome bed. Some day I guess I’ll see you again, but probably not soon. ‘I wonder if you think of me?’ I saw as I stare ate the moon. Every day is something different, every day is something new. Every day I realize how much I really miss you.”

I’ve written quite a few poems, but most of them kinda suck They are just very ameture, I did not really have a style so I didn’t know what I was doing. I was just expressing my emotions in my own way. I love writing.

I started writing poetry when I was 15. I bought Jewel’s poetry book and was so inspired, I tried writing and who knew? I had a talent for it! I never knew poetry like her style existed. I think I’m going to start posting some of my poems as blogs, just for the heck of it. I’m so paranoid, I always feel like someone’s going to rip my work off. I have them all copywrighted (the ghetto way) but still.
Some of my poems rhyme, but most of them don’t. Especially the early ones, none of those rhyme. I sort of styled myself after Jewel’s style, because that was the only poetry I’d ever been exposed to. From poems, I then started to wring songs, also mimicking Jewel’s style. She’s definitely my biggest musical inspiration.

This poem was written by me on 10/25/98 right after I moved to California, from Colorado. I remember I was really missing my mom when I wrote this. I moved away from her on my 16th birthday to go live with my dad, for reasons I may share in another blog. She had given me a bunch of candles for my birthday (which was 10/9) and I was burning one of them as I wrote this…hence the inspiration for the poem.

“Candle, you burn so brightly, so freely. No worries, no problems. Your flame sits atop the wax, like it’s king of the world. And you, the wax, holds it up. You are that flames’ base, it’s reason for living. The flame only wants to melt you away so he can go to the next waxy candle. And what do you get in return? You get to be melted and wasted away, never to be loved again. The only memory of you is your sweet buttercream smell.”

Remember in elementary school when they had R.I.F. (Reading Is Fun(damental) )? I used to love that. I think they would give you one book of your choice, for free. Growing up, my mom always made me read. Mostly whatever books she had just finished reading which were usually books by Stephen King, Dean Koontz, authors like that. I was reading books that I should not have been reading at a very young age. At the time, I didn’t think anything of it but when I go back and read those books now, I can’t believe I read some of that stuff.
Anyways, I am blogging about reading because this week in school, there is a ton of reading. 60 pages I believe, and that is just in one class. It’s cool and all, but most of it is the basics. How to read, how to learn while reading, critical thinking while reading, that type of thing. It’s awesome to be reminded of it but it is hard for me to actually read it, because I feel like it’s stuff I already know and I don’t want to waste time reading something that I don’t need to read. So I read all of it tonight and will probably read it again later in the week when I’m not so tired.
I’m in my 6th week of school which is awesome. I keep thinking I’m farther ahead though, lol. I learned a lot the first two or three weeks but have not learned much at all the last two weeks. There are a few possibilities as to why I haven’t learned. I could be bored of school. I could feel like it isnt relative to me, and when I feel like something is unncessary, I have a very hard time hearing/reading/doing it. I know I need to get out of that mindframe because I’m starting to realize that everything they are making us learn so far is to prepare us for the classes ahead. I am only on my first two classes. I still have a long way to go.
I breezed by the first three weeks of school. Week four was ok, week five was the hardest I think. Hardest in that I didn’t want to do it but I had to, and I even slacked on one of my assignments and my teacher called me out on it! She said, “The amount of time and effort you spent on this assignment was evident.” but I still got 24/30 points.
Anyways… I honestly want to get to the interesting classes like Religions of the world, Introduction to Philosophy, Management of Information Systems, cultural Diversity, introduction to Behavioral Science, Intro to Sociology, Financial Accounting… that stuff. I could NOT care less about my next two classes which are Effective Essay Writing (yuck!) and Critical Thinking. Those start on March 1st I believe.
I think I’m dreading the Critical Thinking class because I’m not good at it. My reading comprehension levels are very poor so anything that has to do with it immediately scares me and makes me wish I were … I dont want to say dead, but ya almost.
I know I will benefit from all of my classes. I am excited to learn new things each week. This is for a good cause, getting a degree, a COLLEGE degree is a major thing and I will be so proud when I’m done (and this is what I have to tell myself every day to get thru it)!!