Feb 08 2009
Disguise
Here’s a poem I wrote on 1/19/02. I can’t remember what I was thinking when I wrote this poem but I’m assuming by the theme, that I was thinking about my life. Thinking about all I’ve seen. My mom had not yet died when I wrote this either so I was probably sad about something about her, and about my dad. At the time this was written, I was actually having a great time in life. I was 19, had a job, was partying with friends every night, lived with my dad (he had just gotten a divorce from his 2nd wife…actually this may have been around the time they tried to reconcile so my dad wasn’t home very much), I was getting lots of tattoos and piercings, it was a pretty care-free time but it’s right around the time I started to get…I don’t want to say depressed, but ya, depressed. I started getting in touch with my inner anger and realize how misunderstood I felt, and how lonely I felt, and that’s also when I started writing songs. I wrote my first song in March of 2002, so not long after I wrote this. This was one of the last poems I wrote.
My eyes were opened at a very young age. Opened to the world and the hate and the rate. Hate and rage I came to know very well. But on the outside I didn’t show my hell. The tears I cried were always inside. No one knew I had so much to hide. I hide all the pain and the anguish and fear. I never let anyone get too near. If they get too near they’ll see what I’m about. And I just can’t let anyone find out. They can’t find out that I’m sad as can be. They cant find out that I’m not really me.
