workingwifey

My birthday is coming up on 10/9. When my mom was alive, every year on my birthday, she would tell me the story of how I was born. That is one thing that when she used to do it, it was just like I was letting her do it for her sake, because her baby was another year old. But now that she is gone and I don’t have her to tell me that story every year, I really miss it. It makes me sad, and makes me remember my last birthday that I got to hear the story from my mom - my 20th birthday. I remember I was living in California and she was in Colorado, and she called me in the morning and I was really uspet because my boyfriend at the time was supposed to spend the night before hanging out with me, but he ended up going to a party with his friends instead. I remember she actually cheered me up by telling me the story of when I was born. I have heard the story so many times, I feel like it’s a movie that I am watching in my head. I can see her sitting at home eating Moon Pies while my dad was out drinking, because they had just gotten into a big fight. Then I can see her eating so much that she was throwing up, not knowing she was in labor. I can then see my dad walk in the door, and her telling him they had to go to the hospital. Then he drove her very slowly to the hospital, and no matter how slow my dad was driving, my mom kept telling him to slow down. Once they got to the hospital, my mom’s lower back was hurting her so bad, she made my dad rub it while she was trying to walk around to ease her pain - for hours. Then I popped out, and one hour later my mom and dad took me home. I was 6lb 6oz and 19″ long, born at 5:20am.

My mom would be 48 today. Crazy. She died in 2003 on St. Patricks Day. I had a horrible dream last night that she was alive but I couldn’t get a hold of her (I have that dream a lot), and then she overdosed on heroine while she was at the bank, and the bank called me to tell me that she had a relapse and I didn’t really know what they meant. So I kept calling the hospital in Colorado where she was and they gave me some paperwork which showed all of her stats and that she was still alive, but she was on life support. Then I showed my dad, and his girlfriend (they’ve only been dating for about 4 months in real life) kept telling me that she was dead and that she wanted to be done with the whole thing, and she wouldn’t listen to me when I was telling her that my mom actually was alive. My dad was just there, didn’t say anything so I’m trying to figure out how to talk to my mom since it’s been years, and trying to figure out her stuff and then I have this woman who has never even met my mom, trying to tell me that she’s dead and to forget about her. I was getting so angry. Then my grandma (mom’s mom) and grandpa (mom’s step-dad) came to Colorado to visit (grandma passed away in ‘05 on Easter and grandpa passed away Aug. of this year) and my grandma was upset because she couldn’t get a hold of my mom either, and I kept telling her that my mom was fine and that I couldn’t get a hold of her but that I would, and we’d go see her.

I hate dreams like that. Every night since my mom died, I have a bad dream like that about her. I’m really sick of it. At first I thought maybe my brain wanted me to dream about her to keep her memory alive, so that I would never forget about her, but now after 5 1/2 years of EVERY single night, bad dreams about my mom, I’m tired of it! Those dreams suck. And in all of my dreams, she’s always alive but it’s like I can’t get a hold of her, or she moved out of state and went into hiding, something weird like that to where she IS alive, I just havent spoken with her in a few years. Which of course brings up more and more anger, maybe abandonment issues because I feel like she abandoned me by dying.

I don’t know. Anyways, that was my bad dream last night! I will try not to post my bad dreams too often No sense in more than 1 person have to go thru the bad dreams!

Two nights ago I had a really weird dream. The dream started with me at the airport in Colorado, trying to find a flight back to San Diego. I had to wait in this line outside and everyone in like would get on teams, and had to answer questions, and if we got the questions right, we got a prize. So we answered all these questions and I ended up getting into a limo. Inside the limo with me was my dad, and a couple other friends. There was also some dude driving-he wasn’t a professional driver, he was someone that someone knew, but I don’t know who he was. At one point, someone had a big bottle of Tequilla and my dad had them woman pour him a wine glass full of it. I told my dad he better eat something before he drives home, and we were in downtown San Diego at that point and I was looking at all the restaurants, trying to decide which one to take him to. His face looked really weird and he looked really out of it. Then we kept driving and I was eating a Taco Supreme from Taco Bell. Then we drove up this big mountain, and it was completely dark outside, and we got to the top and ended up driving off and crashing. I remember when the car was flipping and bumping, I was like, “What the heck is going on?!” but I wasn’t fully scared. Then the car stopped, and my dad and I got out, and from the outside, the Limo looked like a giant Taco Supreme. We were trying to dig everyone out of the taco mix and I was choking on the taco, because I was eating while we crashed and I almost choked to death. My cat Phyre was also there, and we were the only three survivors.

Ok so last night my dad brought a date over to my house for dinner, and I made them dinner. It was their fourth date. So after they left, I went to bed and had a crazy dream. In my dream, Beth (my dad’s date) told my dad and I that she was a lesbian at one point, and my dad was NOT into that but he still liked her, so he kind of didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t decide if he should keep dating her or not. So then she asked me to go shopping with her. So we went somewhere with a bunch of stores and while she was in one store, I went out to my car and her x-girlfriend came up to me and somehow recognized me and my car and Beth’s purse inside the car, and started to freak out. Then Beth came out and was trying to avoid her and we got in the car and left. Then Beth told me she bought my dad a bunch of jewely like watches and stuff, and she expected my dad to want to ‘take it to the next level’ if you know what I mean, but in the dream I knew he wasn’t going to go for that. So then we got back to where my dad was and we were all hanging out. Then Beth had to leave so my dad walked her outside and Beth ended up proposing to my dad LOL. He said no, and then came back inside.
SO random and weird, I wonder why in the heck I would even dream that. We didn’t talk about marriage or lesbians or anything when they were here so it’s just funny that I would dream that. I really wish I knew more about dreams, like why people dream things, and what they mean, if anything. I always have felt that dreams have to mean something. Otherwise why have them?

Last night I had a dream that the compnay which I work for had to close down, and I ended up going to my boss, and her friend got me a job as a flight attendant. BUT it was for an airline which was for cats ONLY. It was like special clients that had to ship cats across the country, but the cats were like people, not treated as objects that were being shipped. I would do a few flights a day, and the airline just happened to be located in the parking lot where I worked, since it had been shut down. I also had to stay in the building where I worked before that used to be my old job, except it was empty and I lived in there with my boss, and her friend that got me the job, and her friends’ daughter. I had to keep my cat Phyre in my car to wait for me while I worked. I don’t know why he couldn’t go inside, very weird. And the dream didn’t go past the one day. So odd that I would dream about that though. An airline specifically for cats? Companies shutting down and turning into airports? Cats in cars? I had many more dreams last night, but that one just struck me as totally random and odd. LOL

Let me give some background first before I tell my dream last night. In February, my dad and I both quit drinking hard liquor. Neither of us has had any since late February. I quit with him to help him, kind of so we could do it together, maybe that would make it easier for him.
So last night I had a dream that my dad and I’s birthday fell on the same day and we went to Orange County to celebrate. With us was the Hogan family (Bolea’s- Hulk Hogan and family) and we were at some place where there were tons of restaurants that we could choose from, but we got to sit outside and eat and drink.
So my dad kept asking me if he could drink hard alcohol and I kept saying no, and that if he did, then I was going to drink it every day from now on so he said he wouldn’t. So then a few hours go by and my dad ordered a drink and in it was one of those tiny little sample bottles of Bicardi rum, and I was like, “What are you doing!?” so I went and got a mixed drink.
It was sweet and sour, and purple, and it was really good. I drank my first one and then everyone left, so it was just me, my dad and Nick Hogan. They went to play some game and I went to find the bathroom, and the bathroom was like on this hill in the mountains, and had an incredible view. It was amazing. Like when you were sitting on the toilet, you could look out and see the awesome view.
So then I went back out and found my dad, and got another drink except this time it was disgusting, tasted just like Bicardi rum which I HATE.
That was pretty much the whole dream. Then we left the place and drove to some mall.
I also had a dream that marshmallows grew on trees and I found some at some girl’s wedding that I hated.
LOL