workingwifey

Here’s a poem I wrote 2/6/02. I do not remember what I was thinking when I wrote this, but it was obviously about a dude. I wasnt dating anyone at the time, I dont think. I do think now that I read the words, I know who this poem is about. A guy I used to be friends with, that I actually just stopped being friends with in 2007.

What you do to me, you will never know.
My feelings for you I can never show.
For I’ve got another love, and so do you.
You can’t love me and I can’t love you.
I won’t let my feelings get out of hand.
I really hope that you understand.
What you feel for me, I will not see.
And it kills me so much I can hardly breathe.
What I do to you, please don’t let me know.
Your feelings for me, please do not show.
In the end, we will both be happy apart.
Just remember you’ll always be in my heart.

Here’s a poem I wrote on 1/19/02. I can’t remember what I was thinking when I wrote this poem but I’m assuming by the theme, that I was thinking about my life. Thinking about all I’ve seen. My mom had not yet died when I wrote this either so I was probably sad about something about her, and about my dad. At the time this was written, I was actually having a great time in life. I was 19, had a job, was partying with friends every night, lived with my dad (he had just gotten a divorce from his 2nd wife…actually this may have been around the time they tried to reconcile so my dad wasn’t home very much), I was getting lots of tattoos and piercings, it was a pretty care-free time but it’s right around the time I started to get…I don’t want to say depressed, but ya, depressed. I started getting in touch with my inner anger and realize how misunderstood I felt, and how lonely I felt, and that’s also when I started writing songs. I wrote my first song in March of 2002, so not long after I wrote this. This was one of the last poems I wrote.

My eyes were opened at a very young age. Opened to the world and the hate and the rate. Hate and rage I came to know very well. But on the outside I didn’t show my hell. The tears I cried were always inside. No one knew I had so much to hide. I hide all the pain and the anguish and fear. I never let anyone get too near. If they get too near they’ll see what I’m about. And I just can’t let anyone find out. They can’t find out that I’m sad as can be. They cant find out that I’m not really me.

Here’s a poem I wrote on 12/4/99. I was feeling really misunderstood when I wrote it. I was new to my school and just felt like no one understood me, and no one wanted to, and no one would try to. No one would take a chance to get to know me.

“You walk around with your head held high, knowing the guys stare at you as you walk by.  By yourself almost all the time, trying to make reason out of this rhyme. You walk around with your head held high, knowing the girls stare at you as you walk by. But inside their heads they say, ‘She’s stuck up.’ You have to look down, you can never look up. You walk around with your head held high, knowing one day you’ll break down and cry. ‘No one understands me’ you say. I often feel the same way.

Here’s a poem I wrote on 1/24/99. That was actually my grandpa’s birthday but this poem had nothing to do with him. I actually had my mom in mind when I wrote it, but it could be about a girlfriend/boyfriend/husband/wife type thing too. It’s the first poem I ever wrote that rhymed!

“Today I remembered your voice. Yesteday I remembered your touch. Tomorrow I’ll remember the things about you that I loved so much. The things you used to say, the way you’d make me feel. Oh, when I think of them, those things, they seem so real. But now they are mere memories in my head. I cry myself to sleep every night, in my lonesome bed. Some day I guess I’ll see you again, but probably not soon. ‘I wonder if you think of me?’ I saw as I stare ate the moon. Every day is something different, every day is something new. Every day I realize how much I really miss you.”

I’ve written quite a few poems, but most of them kinda suck They are just very ameture, I did not really have a style so I didn’t know what I was doing. I was just expressing my emotions in my own way. I love writing.

I started writing poetry when I was 15. I bought Jewel’s poetry book and was so inspired, I tried writing and who knew? I had a talent for it! I never knew poetry like her style existed. I think I’m going to start posting some of my poems as blogs, just for the heck of it. I’m so paranoid, I always feel like someone’s going to rip my work off. I have them all copywrighted (the ghetto way) but still.
Some of my poems rhyme, but most of them don’t. Especially the early ones, none of those rhyme. I sort of styled myself after Jewel’s style, because that was the only poetry I’d ever been exposed to. From poems, I then started to wring songs, also mimicking Jewel’s style. She’s definitely my biggest musical inspiration.

This poem was written by me on 10/25/98 right after I moved to California, from Colorado. I remember I was really missing my mom when I wrote this. I moved away from her on my 16th birthday to go live with my dad, for reasons I may share in another blog. She had given me a bunch of candles for my birthday (which was 10/9) and I was burning one of them as I wrote this…hence the inspiration for the poem.

“Candle, you burn so brightly, so freely. No worries, no problems. Your flame sits atop the wax, like it’s king of the world. And you, the wax, holds it up. You are that flames’ base, it’s reason for living. The flame only wants to melt you away so he can go to the next waxy candle. And what do you get in return? You get to be melted and wasted away, never to be loved again. The only memory of you is your sweet buttercream smell.”